sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
