I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
