there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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