When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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