Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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