Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
