the new term for farting is butt boxing.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
