i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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