You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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