come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
