If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
