oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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