i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
