they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
babies were throwing up all over the place
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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