So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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