toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
