So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
