Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
