Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
