Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
