We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
