He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
