Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize