I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
