We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
