i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
