either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
