i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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