Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
