I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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