one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
