Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
