I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
