i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
