So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize