I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
