Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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