I think i peed on brittanys purse
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
this hospital has no fireball
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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