Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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