so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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