I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
