you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
