wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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