They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
