i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
