Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
