too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
