I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
