Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
