Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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