I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
