Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
