It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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