Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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