So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
