my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
