wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
