I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
