I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize