When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize