I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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