Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
