Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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