so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
a search helicopter?!
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
This toilet bowl is my home.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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