What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
