dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
