So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
