woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
