He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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